A One Year Sabbatical Mapped In Four Countries

A tale of five cities: Arth-Goldau, Brașov, Gnevkow, Berlin, The Hague

“At the entrance, a mailbox: last opportunity to make some sign to the world one is leaving.” Walter Benjamin, The Arcades Project

I've been postponing writing about this one-year sabbatical for a while.

My sabbatical year was one of the hardest of my life, marked by an ongoing fight or flight feeling. I lived in four countries and five homes during these twelve months "off". 

Writing about this and sharing how I navigated this year felt quite impossible until I remembered that I can tell the stories I want to by connecting the places - the streets I walked on often, the houses I lived in, and the cities I travelled to that year. All my learnings were mapped on places which played an important role in how I navigated certain emotions and made decisions along the way.

Context

Before I share snippets of my sabbatical year mapped on different places, I want to write why I embarked on this sabbatical year and how I was able not to work at all in 2022.

I moved to Switzerland in January 2020, just some months before the whole world entered a lockdown. The plan was to move here and to save money, as Swiss salaries are considerably higher than in other European countries. My ex-partner and I moved into a small apartment in a Swiss village, Arth, right near Mt. Rigi and Lake Zug. Some months later we moved 2 km away from that place, to Arth-Goldau, to have quicker access to trains across Switzerland.

Between March 2020 (when I received my first Swiss job), and December 2021, I managed to save every month between 50 % - 60 % of my salary and I put all that money away into savings, to be able to take 1-2 years off without working a full-time job. The main reason for that was to have some time to think about what to do next in my life, as I was burned out from working high-stress jobs that I didn't find meaning in and I couldn’t maintain this life anymore in a way that’s sustainable, enjoyable, and truthful.

January 2022: Gotthardstrasse, Arth-Goldau

Places frequently visited and very much loved: Rigi Mountain, Mythen Mountains, Chilestägli bakery, the courtyard of our home

The month of January started with slowly packing my things, selling all the furniture and most of my belongings, and ending a five year relationship. This mountain town, Arth-Goldau, was a beautiful and awe-inducing home during the pandemic, in the two full years I spent there.

The house we lived in was a 19th century old Swiss house, on three floors, and we were sharing the house with the landlord, Roli, and his kids, and another neighbour who lived on the first floor. My ex-partner and I had all the second floor to ourselves, with a separate entrance from the main stairs: five rooms, two bathrooms, a balcony overlooking Lake Zug and Rigi mountain, and a little patch of land in front of the house where we could plant flowers and vegetables if we wanted. Roli was the most wonderful landlord and neighbour, always helpful, always making the courtyard that we shared more beautiful and inviting. 

Saying goodbye meant forever closing a chapter in my life with someone I’ve been with for many years, since my early twenties, in many other homes. Those who have loved someone and ended a long relationship know that even if it’s the right choice for both people involved, nothing prepares you for the grief which follows. Those who have lived in a home that felt like “forever” know that the moment you stop to take in the view for the last time, your body and heart actually ache.

February 2022: Strada Mihai Viteazul, Brașov

Places frequently visited and loved: CH9 (delicious coffee), evening walks in The Council's Square in search for mici & fries, snack breaks at Bistro de l'Arte, enjoying gomboți cu prune

Brașov is a Romanian mountain city that felt like a good temporary home after closing the Switzerland chapter. The monthly rent was cheap, the food was good, and the city still had mountains nearby that made the transition to another place a little easier. I am originally from Romania, so going back home after seven years living abroad felt like a much needed break after constantly worrying about how I can "make it out there". The first week I slept 12 hours every night.

Brașov had some triggering streets, triggering emotions such as fear and discomfort. Sometimes because of the street harassment from the road workers, sometimes because of the abandoned houses which were left untouched since communism fell. I started reading more and more papers on post-communist places and fell down rabbit holes about cognitive architecture.

I spent my five Brașov months in cafés, being inspired, being terrified, with a feeling of unease in my stomach as this would not be my final destination this year, and I was already too tired to make another choice about a new home.

April 2022: Gnevkow (an intermezzo place)

rainy walks in the German countryside

In April 2022 I headed to Gnevkow for a week, a little village in northern Germany. I went there with a group of friends, as we were offered a grant from the European cultural foundation, I-Portunus, to create some group art representing our pandemic experience. I was doing something that I had always wanted to do: create and curate an art exhibition with loved ones. We were staying in a beautiful countryside mansion and we were having long decadent dinners.

However, my mind was always in fight or flight mode. I was very jumpy and afraid, and the stillness of the German countryside was unbearable.

June 2022: Marienburger Straße, Berlin

Italian wine and antipasti at Sorsi and Morsi, eating my feelings at Yama Restaurant Sushi and Ramen

In June a decision was made about our next “permanent” home: Berlin. My partner and I packed our belongings and booked a flight without having anything lined up in Berlin. The housing market is insane in Berlin, as some of you might already know. Some people live years in temporary homes and move out every 2-3 months into a new place, only to repeat that again and again. 

In a hurry, I found a two week sublet on Marienburger Str. 2A, a small apartment in a beautiful neighbourhood of Berlin: Prenzlauer Berg. I met old friends at Sorsi e Morsi and walked the streets always feeling anxious, out of place. The financial insecurity started to kick in - Berlin was very expensive, I knew that at this rate I will last six more months before returning to my old career and lifestyle out of necessity.

July 2022: Rheinsberger Straße, Berlin

long evening walks to Rewe, there is something special about Berlin summer sunsets

After two weeks of searching for a long term apartment, we stumbled upon some luck on WG-Gesucht; an apartment was available on Rheinsberger Str. We couldn’t register right away and sign a contract due to some German admin things unresolved with the previous tenants, so we were given a temporary contract until the next month when the official contract could be drafted.

For almost 1700 EUR a month, we were given an apartment with two rooms, broken, old, and stained furniture, and kitchen tools which hadn’t been washed for a while. I couldn’t believe how expensive Berlin turned out to be, after having lived there only a few years prior. I paid the same amount of money for an apartment in Switzerland, with two bathrooms, a big terrace, five rooms, a balcony, and views of mountains. It didn’t feel right.

I was unhappy, confused, barely functioning. I was running out of money quicker than I thought after paying deposit money after deposit money for apartments in Berlin, trying to make a career change and investing money there as well.

One night, whilst I was having a bath, I had the gut-wrenching realisation that it was time to move again; to change countries again after already having moved three times in just six months on limited savings. It seemed impossible, and incredibly costly, but it felt right this time - mandatory, necessary, non-negotiable. Looking back, it was absolutely crazy to move again, but it was the best move that unfolded in the ways we desired.

August 2022: Stuyvesantsraat, The Hague

long walks in the Haagse Bos, evenings writing in the lobby of The Collector Hotel

The Hague. The city of seagulls and peace.

In a hurry and on a tight deadline (three weeks) we found, whilst still living in Berlin, a small apartment in The Hague, The Netherlands. The first weeks felt right, but money was again splurged on deposits for the apartment and new furniture, new kitchen tools, new everything. We didn’t even own a teaspoon. All my furniture was sold back in Switzerland, all my books and plates were still in Romania.  I tried hustling for freelance gigs in UX research in Amsterdam but they were barely covering my rent. It was October and I knew that I had money to live until Christmas. 

One morning I woke up knowing that I was in that point of the crisis where, if I didn’t change something in my thinking, things could only go rapidly downhill from there.

Slowly, things started to improve. I would go on walks in the Haagse Bos (Hague Forest) and near the North Sea, calling my friend, Anca, who was also going through a crisis, and we would feel better just by having that call, and that short walk. I started to actually feel the excitement of a new beginning.

November 2022: The Turning Point

the place in my dream

One night in November I had a dream. I was floating over a very still deep blue sea. I noticed a white ship. I woke up knowing that things will turn out well.

Some days later I was interviewed for a corporate job. I made peace with the fact that I needed to return to my old field of work to pay the bills. I got the job, and a month later I was given a better job at another company. We applied for a new apartment, and The Hague started feeling like home.

My mind has been mostly still since then, like that deep sea in my dream. Not because only good things started to emerge, because that’s not true - life’s still a mix of “everything” on a daily basis. I regained my sense of possibility, of < there’s more to life than what I can think of and perceive right now >. That’s exciting. In my dificult moments, this sense of possibility was not there, life was just a series of crises which were emerging one after the other.

Conclusions and questions

quo vadis?

I chose to write about this because my sabbatical didn’t go as planned and that’s okay. I wanted to share this story because I was really struggling mentally, emotionally, financially, and I kept thinking and asking myself during these months, over and over again:

How can we find more often, even in the most difficult times, that place within ourselves that tells us that things will eventually be okay?

I don't have a clear answer for now. All I know is that having multiple crises at the same time makes it harder to have a healthy long term perspective. I was thinking often about the people that cannot afford therapy / coaching or cannot have a supportive call with a friend. 

What helped me in navigating these multiple crises was a series of things: from the awareness that these crises had to be systematically and proactively resolved as soon as possible, to the necessity of trusting my gut instincts, and trying to not be that hard on myself.

A sabbatical will not quickly reveal what else we are supposed to do with our lives. A sabbatical will unfold differently for all of us, and there are things we know ahead of time, things we don't, and things we never expected to happen. I think the only piece of advice I would give myself is to check on my mental health before going on a long eventful sabbatical. Ironically, I was taking time off to recover from lots of work stress and poor life choices, but during the sabbatical the amount of stress and anxiety skyrocketed, and the poor life choices as well. 

For those going through a crisis right now: keep moving forward, things will turn out well eventually. Don't stop being in a conversation with the world. For those considering a sabbatical: don't be hard on yourself, take things as slow as you can, and enjoy this time in your life. Hopefully, it will bring you to that place in life that you desire.

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Maps generated with https://anvaka.github.io/city-roads. I love this simple tool.