Returning Home: Miracles And Ambition

"The age of miracles is forever here." – Thomas Carlyle

Welcome to The Flâneurs Project. In this post, I share my reflections on miracles and ambition. I also feature an interview with

kev

about San Francisco, his new home.

An Approaching Comet, Source Unknown

“It is a fabulous country, the only fabulous country; it is the only place where miracles not only happen, but where they happen all the time.”

- Thomas Wolfe

As I closely examined the cover of a book that caught my eye in a secondhand bookstore in the center of The Hague, The American Landscape, I was struck by Thomas Wolfe’s words, shared with you all above. I cannot find better words to encapsulate my infatuation with places "where miracles not only happen, but where they happen all the time."

Miracles. That's what I've been searching for, chasing ever since I left my first home in Romania—and every home since then. Miracles.

Miraculum:

"Origin (Latin): from mīror ('I wonder or marvel at') +‎ -culum (derivative suffix)."

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I cannot recall my first miracle abroad—it might have been an encounter atop the Siegessäule in Berlin or a rooftop meeting in Istanbul. These simple moments, occurring in the split of a second, profoundly altered the way I perceived reality. I felt held and enraptured by a surge of understanding that there’s so much more out there.

In recent years, my writing has been infused with a deep sense of longing—especially for places that satisfy an indescribable itch that some of us carry: the desire to arrive somewhere good, somewhere transformative, where we can become our 'best.' We place our hopes for transformation on yet another place—distant, out of reach, and full of promise.

But something changed after returning from New York, and I hope that change lasts for a while. This shift brought a sense of relief, peace, and the first signs of vitality. I had expected my recent U.S. trip to fuel my appetite for 'more, more, more,' igniting my ambition, but it did the opposite. I returned with a deep appreciation for what I already have right in front of me, and now I crave 'less, less, less.' The Hague no longer feels like just another intermezzo place.

I wonder why I, a Romanian woman living in the Netherlands, feel so guilty for not having more 'American ambition.' When I reflect on it, I realize that nearly every online page I open is infused with American culture and desires, which still fascinate me and spark my curiosity.

My desire for more ambition largely stemmed from the belief that it was the only way to achieve something miraculous, something that could change what now feels impossible—a way to escape a rigid lifestyle.

For me, ambition has always been tied to leaving, escaping, and embarking on an adventure into the unknown. I grew up hearing great stories about “those who left,” particularly those who left Romania, the country I was born in. In a place where perceived scarcity was high in the '90s and 2000s, many adults back then believed the best thing one could do was to leave—chase a different life and stumble upon more miracles in a land “where miracles don’t just happen, but happen all the time."

But here’s the thing: I don’t think miracles can be chased. Some are simply experienced on a daily basis if we hone our attention and learn to notice them. Some are a matter of patience, timing, and place. And some, well, might never find us. What’s important is recognizing when we’ve been found.

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In the past 12 years, since I was 19 years old, I have lived in 12 different homes across four countries, never staying in one place for more than a year and a half—and sometimes just a few months or half a year. Moving so frequently was never my intention. I simply craved change. For me, change always meant relocating to a new place for various reasons: study, work, and love. If I’m honest, it was mostly for love.

In the interview below, I asked Kev, a friend I met through Substack last year, a few questions about his move to San Francisco from Lyon, France, and living in 18 cities in the past 15 years.

I connected with Kev right away the first time we had a video conversation. Kev has a type of inner reflection that I admire, together with a very intentional way of living life. I hope you’ll enjoy this interview.

kev

, thank you for your stories and for your time!

An Interview With Kev

Please tell us a bit about yourself and any creative projects that you are passionate about.

My name’s Kev. I grew up in France, mainly split between Paris and Lyon. I left the country 15 years ago to move to Singapore first, and I’ve settled in 18 different cities across 4 continents since then.

Today I’m a father, a husband, and a builder. I have two boys who turned 5 and 3 a few months ago. I’ll celebrate my 19th anniversary with my wife, Mathilde, at the end of October. Last summer, I celebrated 10 years of building things with her and our third co-founder, Max.

My main creative project is Objet. We embed memories into clothing. We’ve already thrown two soirées—parties with a French touch—in SF, a third one is coming in December, and we’ll host one in NYC before Thanksgiving too. I’m also one of the people behind Krak—the world’s biggest skate spots database and archive online.

Another creative project I’m quite excited about is Subvert—a collectively owned Bandcamp successor—that’s about to launch very soon. I’m not behind it, but I definitely want to be a part of it.

Which cities bring you deep joy while walking?

Hmm, that's a good question. Thinking about this, I realize I’m too curious not to enjoy any proper walk. Even in the least walkable cities I’ve been to—let’s say LA, Jakarta, and Buenos Aires—I still genuinely enjoyed walking.

But back to your question, I think it’s less about the city itself and more about the emotions and memories attached to the specific area.

Two cities that bring me deep joy while walking could be Singapore, because it was my first time really far from home, independent, in Asia, and living full-time with my girlfriend as two young people full of dreams in their very early twenties. Every time I go back and walk there, I’m in a deeply joyful state.

NYC would be the second. I traveled there for the first time when I was 18, alone with my grandpa—who’s been like a real father to me. We spent a whole week there, and I was so excited I couldn’t even sleep. I think I walked every street of Manhattan—from Wall St. to Central Harlem. As a kid of the 90s, I feel—and still do—that NYC encapsulates so much of my cultural influences. It feels like the whole world is living in a few square miles.

Why do you want to move to San Francisco?

There are many reasons, but I’d say the most important one is: SF constantly focuses on what’s next. The general mindset over there is: "let’s build the future."

This implies two subtleties: (a) the future has to be built, it doesn’t just happen, and we better lean forward rather than backward, and (b) WE—you, me, random unknown people, all of us—get to build it. And I love this.

Also, since we have two young kids, it’s not just about us anymore. We want our kids to be surrounded by a "sure, you can do it" mentality. We’ve already spent the whole summer there, and I can’t even describe what happened in their heads when they saw their first Waymo—fully autonomous car. Their minds literally went crazy. They’re still so excited today to mention it to their friends. I can tell you it expanded their imagination 100x, which is so much more powerful than anything else at their age—I mean, beyond love and attention, of course.

What desires of yours do you think will be fulfilled in San Francisco?

As much as I’m in love with this move already, I have to say I don’t expect SF itself to fulfill any of my desires. Maybe I’ve grown wiser as well, haha. What I mean is: after living in 18 cities across 4 continents over the last 15 years, I’ve realized there is no such thing as paradise on Earth. Everywhere is a trade-off. What matters most then becomes: which kind of challenges do we want to face in our daily lives?

This answer can be very singular, and we can’t all agree on what place would be absolutely perfect—or at least better for most. The answer also evolves depending on the stage of life you’re in. For example, we spent 3 years in Lisbon and loved the place as a couple with no kids and then with a baby, but we ended up hating it for young kids. I wrote about it—specifically its urbanism—after our last week spent there a few months ago.

Back to your question. A possible answer would relate to your previous question. One thing I hope from this new life in SF is that it will make our kids truly optimistic and give them the energy, naivety, and hunger to build the future.

If you could bottle San Francisco into an idea, what would that idea be?

Utopia. Beatnik. The summer of love. Silicon Valley then. Maybe it’s something about the “Far West” too.

San Francisco is so new, it’s a place where people “end up.” So many come from everywhere else—not just the rest of the US, but also Asia, Africa, South America, Europe. Since we’re all immigrants there, who chose this place, it feels like we’re more intentional, and we connect faster and deeper with each other.

You have lived in many cities around the world; which city felt almost in sync with you?

I’m not sure I can answer this one. Have you read The Multitudes of Self by Nick Susi? This was my version back in the day—through the lens of the clothes I’d choose to wear. There is no single version of “me,” which means there might not be a city on Earth truly “in sync” with me—or at least with a stable, non-changing version of me.

That being said, I can tell you every moment I truly felt “in sync” with a city and a version of myself. Berlin, for instance, was the best partner ever for the “clubbing-let’s-party-all-night-long” me. I feel in sync with SF every time I want to think more ambitiously about what I’m building. As a clothing and craft connoisseur, and just a lover of beauty in general, Paris has a special place in my heart. Surprisingly for most, maybe, the skateboarder in me also feels in sync with Paris, as well as London, NYC, and Barcelona. That skateboarder—coupled with the long-time video game fan I’ve always been—felt very in sync with LA 10 years ago.

If I decide to move to the U.S. one day, what advice would you give me?

To give it a try and not let anyone tell you otherwise. The U.S. is fascinating. My grandpa used to say: "This is the country of all extremes," which I find true. And that’s why the U.S. as a whole is hard to grasp. This is a country the size of a continent. I mean, especially for us as Europeans, most nationwide statistics don’t make sense at all. If we want to compare the whole U.S., let’s talk about the whole of Europe. Otherwise, if someone wants to consider just France, Germany, or any other European country, well, let’s talk about California then, or New York, or any other state, but not the whole of the U.S.

Most of this country is empty too, so you can imagine all the different realities. Cities are also experienced very differently. Neighborhoods feel so much more identity-defining. I wrote about it here in the last paragraph. This is something I personally like in SF, for instance—walking around Marina or The Mission feels like you’ve changed countries, literally. It also means you can talk to two different San Franciscans and hear two different realities regarding their daily lives.

Back to you and your question, my advice would be to go spend some time over there, as soon as possible, to experience as many neighborhoods as possible to really find your favorite one. I can’t recommend home-swapping enough. This is how we’re able to spend one—sometimes two—months straight somewhere else, even now as a family of four, without breaking our budget. We mainly use both of these platforms, by the way: Kindred (following my referral code would give you 5 credits right away, with one credit = one night anywhere) and HomeExchange (here as well you’d get points by following the referral link).

So, want to move to the U.S.? Hell yeah! But where exactly: Sunset, Bernal Heights, Boerum Hill, West Village, Venice Beach?

Thank you for reading. As always, I welcome your notes, questions, and stories.

Onwards,

Patricia Hurducaș