The Kind Places
“Omul Sfințește Locul”, Gentle Cities, Bookstores as the Ultimate Kind Places
Welcome to The Flâneurs Project. This post is part of our Longing for Places series. By subscribing, you’re supporting my writing and becoming part of our small community. Paid subscribers are invited once a month to an online gathering via Zoom, 🌎 Mapping Places, where we share stories and map our next adventures, supporting each other in our quest to discover more of the world.
What are the kindest places that you visited?
I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk
down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs
to let you by. Or how strangers still say “bless you”
when someone sneezes, a leftover
from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying.
And sometimes, when you spill lemons
from your grocery bag, someone else will help you
pick them up. Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other.
We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot,
and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile
at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress
to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder,
and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass.
We have so little of each other, now. So far
from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange.
What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these
fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here,
have my seat,” “Go ahead—you first,” “I like your hat.”
Danusha Laméris
Defining Kind Places
There’s a book title by the Italian theoretical physicist and writer, Carlo Rovelli, that I love: There Are Places in the World Where Rules Are Less Important Than Kindness. Ever since I read this title, I’ve kept asking myself: what are the kindest places that I’ve visited?
By "place”, I mean a city, a café, a park, a friend's home, a Twitter feed, a street, an outdoor market, a bistro, or a WhatsApp chat. By “kind”, I mean generous, considerate, friendly, but also, most importantly, gentle. I think we all long, in one way or another, for gentler places, online and offline.
“Sometimes I simply want a gentler Twitter experience. Especially when I’m traveling and don’t look at Twitter much.”
Note: Chris Arnade’s answer to the question “Why you locked down, Chris?”
The good thing about recalling kind places is that we remember how they made us feel, so the act of recalling becomes an exercise in identifying the places we’re thankful for, the places that feel good to resurface from the depths of memory.
In this short post, I will focus only on physical places.
1. The “Omul Sfințește Locul” Places
The phrase "omul sfințește locul" is a Romanian proverb that translates to "the person sanctifies the place" in English. These places feel like an extension of the people who spend their time in them. In a way, I would like to think of these places as infused with daily human kindness.
I think that the kindest place I’ve visited so far in the city in which I currently live, The Hague, is Allo Guys. I visit it once or twice a month when I long for a good chicken shawarma and a heartfelt conversation with the Syrian owner, Ahmad. I always leave this place hopeful, inspired by Ahmad’s curiosity, thoughtful questions, and attention to his customers.
Another place that I love to remember is the San Telmo Museum in San Sebastián. Apart from being a breathtakingly beautiful place, the people working here were so kind, especially the museum guide who generously shared stories about the place with me. I remember vividly that he took great joy in sharing, in helping, in acknowledging the presence of visitors.
2. The "Je Ne Sais Quoi" Places
How is generosity embodied in a place or a city, if we remove human contact?
If I had to choose a city that felt the kindest to me, it would be San Sebastián. I remember walking the streets feeling safe, free, spoiled by many peaceful moments. The city was generous in all possible ways, through its abundant and diverse places, and through the overall feeling of calm.
San Sebastián was as gentle as a city can be.
The "je ne sais quoi" places have something special that we cannot pin down with certainty, which is why we remember them with so much fondness.
3. The Places Which Encourage Kindness
The places that I feel encourage kindness more than others are bookstores. They promote kindness through serendipitous encounters with fellow readers and generosity through the abundant sharing of knowledge, stories, and pockets of experience.
Bookstores are the ultimate kind places, at least, that's how I see them.
4. The Places in Which We Choose to Be Kind
Last but not least, the kindest places are those where we choose kindness. All the streets where we help someone in need, all the markets where we empathize rather than react out of annoyance, and all the metro stations where we guide someone who needs help and a friendly face.
These places are infinite; we will never run out of them.
Thank you for reading! As always, I welcome your messages.
What is the kindest place that you have recently visited?
Onwards,
Patricia
I love the ideas here, and the notion that a place like a bookstore is kind!